近日晴雨交錯，一會兒下雨一會兒晴天猶如我近期的心情。
從很喜歡豎笛很喜歡音樂，可到現在已經不知道自己在幹什麼了。
當下還是努力抽空出來練習，想要進步，但熱情逐日被澆熄中。
生活也很不如意，想完成的目標也一次又一次地被打退堂鼓，只憑意志力撐下去。
一天起來充滿希望及動力，第二天起來充滿絕望及被動。
如此反反复复，負面的情緒也逐漸佔更多的比例。
身邊的朋友也越來越少，心靈的寄託也越來越少，我感到孤單無助。
這道路，我還要走多久，而我還能走多久呢？
我走得下去嗎？我現下覺得，與其活著，不如長眠。
繼續觀心
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Sunday, July 22, 2018
Thursday, September 21, 2017
I don't know what to do anymore
I've turned 30 this year, I still don't know what I want in my life.
This made me feels very depressed, worried, anxious and
These few days, I've been thinking over this matter, it distracts me from doing anything with focus, whether be it reading, or engaged in my hobby, playing the clarinet.
It feels so sucks. Over the time, I feels like getting more depressed and anxious. My sleeping pattern is disrupted, I sometimes sleep over more than 12 hours, getting more insomnia, or restless brain sleeps. I'm getting the insomnia and restless brain part recently.
I thought, part of these problems probably because I'm financially insecure as well, I couldn't kept myself from thinking about money all the time. I'm even eating around 100twd a day or less, calculating the expense regularly. FYI, a standard meal cost around 80twd, 50 for really economic.
I study and plays the clarinet. It is my hobby, but I don't really know if its what I want to do with the rest of my life. More over, I'm not playing at a competent level, I'm actually somewhere between amateur and professional, and that's sucks. I've experienced few kinds of emotions playing the clarinet includes excited, happy, boring, discouraged and miserable. I'm getting more discouraged because I realize my playing is moving backward more than I improve.
Now, I don't feel anything at all.
I don't feel I want to practice.
I don't feel bad from not practice.
I don't feel the urge to play.
I don't feel the desire to improve.
I don't hold any expectations from life.
I don't have any curiosity in learning.
I cannot sit down quietly and read in peace.
I don't even feels like listening to music, something that I enjoyed very much, be it pop or classical.
It is because I don't truly love music or clarinet after all?
I just know, somehow I don't want to give it up totally.
I am not able to put it down after I spent so many efforts and time on it. 無法放下..
I am currently enrolled in the Cultural and Creative Industries master studies, overall it's like mixture of art management and cultural research studies. I've worked as admin at music examination company in the past, feeling it was kind of interesting to work in similar field, so I took up this course. At the moment, I felt uncomfortable maybe because of different environment and social circle. However, I felt discouraged as well, because I don't find myself enjoying the content of the studies, and I have to think of thesis abstract by the end of semester, which I'm still totally clueless at this stage. I feels like I don't cut out to be in this field.
Would it be better if I just settle down with a job first? I don't know. I don't see a clear vision of myself standing anywhere in future or even tomorrow.
A friend says that finding what you want may be a lifelong process.
Perhaps I'm too rush, too eager to see the results.
Perhaps I'm worrying too much, or too greedy. There are so many out there who are more unfortunate than I do, why couldn't I just be content with what I have?
I'm living like a zombie now, still walking around, attend class, eating meals, doing chores, alive but with a restless foggy mind (brain dead).
I don't know what to do next, and anymore at this point.
If I can't find the reason to exist, maybe I shouldn't be existing at all.
This made me feels very depressed, worried, anxious and
These few days, I've been thinking over this matter, it distracts me from doing anything with focus, whether be it reading, or engaged in my hobby, playing the clarinet.
It feels so sucks. Over the time, I feels like getting more depressed and anxious. My sleeping pattern is disrupted, I sometimes sleep over more than 12 hours, getting more insomnia, or restless brain sleeps. I'm getting the insomnia and restless brain part recently.
I thought, part of these problems probably because I'm financially insecure as well, I couldn't kept myself from thinking about money all the time. I'm even eating around 100twd a day or less, calculating the expense regularly. FYI, a standard meal cost around 80twd, 50 for really economic.
I study and plays the clarinet. It is my hobby, but I don't really know if its what I want to do with the rest of my life. More over, I'm not playing at a competent level, I'm actually somewhere between amateur and professional, and that's sucks. I've experienced few kinds of emotions playing the clarinet includes excited, happy, boring, discouraged and miserable. I'm getting more discouraged because I realize my playing is moving backward more than I improve.
Now, I don't feel anything at all.
I don't feel I want to practice.
I don't feel bad from not practice.
I don't feel the urge to play.
I don't feel the desire to improve.
I don't hold any expectations from life.
I don't have any curiosity in learning.
I cannot sit down quietly and read in peace.
I don't even feels like listening to music, something that I enjoyed very much, be it pop or classical.
It is because I don't truly love music or clarinet after all?
I just know, somehow I don't want to give it up totally.
I am not able to put it down after I spent so many efforts and time on it. 無法放下..
I am currently enrolled in the Cultural and Creative Industries master studies, overall it's like mixture of art management and cultural research studies. I've worked as admin at music examination company in the past, feeling it was kind of interesting to work in similar field, so I took up this course. At the moment, I felt uncomfortable maybe because of different environment and social circle. However, I felt discouraged as well, because I don't find myself enjoying the content of the studies, and I have to think of thesis abstract by the end of semester, which I'm still totally clueless at this stage. I feels like I don't cut out to be in this field.
Would it be better if I just settle down with a job first? I don't know. I don't see a clear vision of myself standing anywhere in future or even tomorrow.
A friend says that finding what you want may be a lifelong process.
Perhaps I'm too rush, too eager to see the results.
Perhaps I'm worrying too much, or too greedy. There are so many out there who are more unfortunate than I do, why couldn't I just be content with what I have?
I'm living like a zombie now, still walking around, attend class, eating meals, doing chores, alive but with a restless foggy mind (brain dead).
I don't know what to do next, and anymore at this point.
If I can't find the reason to exist, maybe I shouldn't be existing at all.
Sunday, July 02, 2017
RIP Choo Han Peng
Slept rather late today, waking up at near noon.
I picked up my phone beside my pillow, as usual, checking if anyone contacted me and browse the Facebook for a while.
A post/news immediately struck me and jump off the bed trying to get more details.
Two friends of mine, on their way to airport sending another to Asian Youth Orchestra world tour trip, involved in a car accident which cost a life of one.
The other guy is in stable condition now, to both of them, it was both fortunate and unfortunate.
I can't handle this at the moment, my recent dilemma now seems a tiny compare to this tragic event.
I worked with both of them. Two good friends, we were quite close back then, when I was in Malaysia (currently in Taiwan pursuing studies), we played music together, talked together, and hanged out together.
Now the working experience become a memory, only to be reminiscent from now onward.
May you rest in peace, my prayers shall be with you always.
Thank you for being with us in our journey in music.
I picked up my phone beside my pillow, as usual, checking if anyone contacted me and browse the Facebook for a while.
A post/news immediately struck me and jump off the bed trying to get more details.
Two friends of mine, on their way to airport sending another to Asian Youth Orchestra world tour trip, involved in a car accident which cost a life of one.
The other guy is in stable condition now, to both of them, it was both fortunate and unfortunate.
I can't handle this at the moment, my recent dilemma now seems a tiny compare to this tragic event.
I worked with both of them. Two good friends, we were quite close back then, when I was in Malaysia (currently in Taiwan pursuing studies), we played music together, talked together, and hanged out together.
Now the working experience become a memory, only to be reminiscent from now onward.
May you rest in peace, my prayers shall be with you always.
Thank you for being with us in our journey in music.
Saturday, February 21, 2015
不在家過年的 2015, Lonely CNY away from Home
好久沒動筆了，隨著臉書的出現，這裡幾乎要荒廢掉了，最近打算回來繼續我寫網誌的習慣，就從今年農曆過年開始吧。短短一篇就好。
今年過年真的很無聊，因為宿舍沒人，這也不錯，難得的安寧，因為鄰居是一個蠻爛的，很愛選時間彈吉他高聲亂唱，都選在半夜的時間，而且是殺雞般的歌聲。
初一，我的早午餐，就是在 7-11 解決的，不錯嘛。看到seven 竟然有賣檳城白咖哩面，這到底有多好吃啊，以前看到 Carefour 大超商賣就算了，連便利商店也賣了，真是 Malaysia Boleh （能）。
我想台北市應該變得很少人，可以去東區閒逛，去誠品看看書聽聽歌。
但，我錯了。
關渡捷運站出現了我踏進台灣至今看到最多人的一天，男廁外也排長龍，什麼？
Never any other days Guandu station has these many people before.
最後來到士林夜市，隨便逛逛，好想也沒什麼好買的，現在已經 11:30pm 了，好累，我決定搭捷運回去好了。
就這樣的初一啦，新年快樂。
English English...
This is the first time I spent my CNY alone overseas, due to over-spending in the last semester, I am doomed with this lonely fate.
Chor Yat, had my brunch at 7-11, that's right, pathetic.
I thought since its a CNY, the city would be very quiet, like KL, but no, the green field in my school has more family coming for outing, even at the MRT station near my uni, like picture above. It's even crowded in the city.
I spent half day at the Eslite Book Shop, some kinda like Kinokuniya in Malaysia, but over here, the bigger outlets sells almost anything, foods, books, recordings, lifestyles, creative stuffs, etc etc.
I left the outlet about 6pm, and made the most ridiculous or bravo decision, which is to walk all the way back to uni (it failed, i only managed to get it to Shilin MRT station), about 15km.
On the way, I saw several opposite side of a festive day should be, dead quiet alley sleeps a homeless old folk, a sneaky soldier trying to fish across a gated facility, and weirdest for tonight, a smart looking guy but a very short jeans up to thighs, with black lady silk stockings and white nike sport at the end, sitting alone and reads, wtf.
Finally I reached Shilin night market, at this moment, I'm quite exhausted from walking, I spent a little time in the night market, took the MRT and went back to uni.
That's my CNY Chor Yat, spent just like that.
今年過年真的很無聊，因為宿舍沒人，這也不錯，難得的安寧，因為鄰居是一個蠻爛的，很愛選時間彈吉他高聲亂唱，都選在半夜的時間，而且是殺雞般的歌聲。
初一，我的早午餐，就是在 7-11 解決的，不錯嘛。看到seven 竟然有賣檳城白咖哩面，這到底有多好吃啊，以前看到 Carefour 大超商賣就算了，連便利商店也賣了，真是 Malaysia Boleh （能）。
Sibeh expensive, equivalent RM14+
我想台北市應該變得很少人，可以去東區閒逛，去誠品看看書聽聽歌。
但，我錯了。
關渡捷運站出現了我踏進台灣至今看到最多人的一天，男廁外也排長龍，什麼？
去到市政府站，也人山人海的，更是四面哨子歌嗶嗶嗶來指揮交通，以前平日來都沒那麼熱鬧。
街上還有一個 Saxophone 街邊演出，都是一些中文流行曲 demo cover，混飯吃還真幸苦。
來到了誠品，這個店到了特定時刻還會播出鐘聲叮叮咚咚的，還蠻，吵。
Bells ringing (through speakers of course) at certain hour, ding ding dong dong.
在裡面閒逛了一會兒，就拿了一本書，找個地方坐下，就看了幾個小時。
今天那麼一個人，而且又是過年，就選了這本書，覺得蠻不錯讀的。遊志信的書。然後去 4樓 聽了一些寂寞 demo，Sam Smith: In The Lonely Hour，高八度的 ～ 瑪尼 on 買賣 ～
A book about enjoy being alone, suits me for a lonely CNY.
Listening to demo, Sam Smith. Money on my mind, money on my mind ~~
時間來到了 6pm，好吧，差不多了，該回去宅一宅了。然後做了一個不知道勇敢還是白痴的選擇，從市政府走路回關渡！（失敗，只走到士林站）
本來打算穿越小巷，找一些西餐小店消費，但不會找，失敗，只能在 Burger King 快餐廳解決，好傷心。
中途會路過一些美景不錯的公園，會在裡邊逛個一兩圈，還有陰森森的小巷，看到一些跟我一樣 lonely 的人。一個無家可歸阿伯睡在小巷角落，一個阿兵歌隔著籬笆偷釣新生建國抽水站裡的魚，還有一個文青男身穿大腿短的牛仔褲配上黑絲襪搭白運動鞋在唸書。（應該是今晚或近期看到最奇怪的人了）
最後來到士林夜市，隨便逛逛，好想也沒什麼好買的，現在已經 11:30pm 了，好累，我決定搭捷運回去好了。
就這樣的初一啦，新年快樂。
English English...
This is the first time I spent my CNY alone overseas, due to over-spending in the last semester, I am doomed with this lonely fate.
Chor Yat, had my brunch at 7-11, that's right, pathetic.
I thought since its a CNY, the city would be very quiet, like KL, but no, the green field in my school has more family coming for outing, even at the MRT station near my uni, like picture above. It's even crowded in the city.
I spent half day at the Eslite Book Shop, some kinda like Kinokuniya in Malaysia, but over here, the bigger outlets sells almost anything, foods, books, recordings, lifestyles, creative stuffs, etc etc.
I left the outlet about 6pm, and made the most ridiculous or bravo decision, which is to walk all the way back to uni (it failed, i only managed to get it to Shilin MRT station), about 15km.
On the way, I saw several opposite side of a festive day should be, dead quiet alley sleeps a homeless old folk, a sneaky soldier trying to fish across a gated facility, and weirdest for tonight, a smart looking guy but a very short jeans up to thighs, with black lady silk stockings and white nike sport at the end, sitting alone and reads, wtf.
Finally I reached Shilin night market, at this moment, I'm quite exhausted from walking, I spent a little time in the night market, took the MRT and went back to uni.
That's my CNY Chor Yat, spent just like that.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Not an ordinary Chinese New Year
This is simply extraordinary Chinese New Year I had in my life.
To begin with, my uncle passed away some time last year, leaving a struggling message to us, the younger ones to always take care of the health. Do not drink much, do not smoke, and always sleep early. It wasn't easy for him since he had struggled for years to stay behind this world and finally move on, an absent in the family suddenly makes you feel life isn't the same anymore.
Last week, another uncle of mine passed away. This was rather surprising, as he looked fine all those while, he suddenly admitted into hospital, and passed away the next day. Everyone was unprepared. He was only 56, leaving behind the wife and 3 kids. Still, we had a reunion lunch on the new year eve. The atmosphere is rather unease, we were caught off guard. Who could know such tragic stuff would happen, when everyone is counting days for the arrival of Chinese New Year, only to be interrupted.
New year eve night, the relatives from my mother's side had a dinner at our home, it was happy. I get to talk with my cousins, and we played some funny game on the ipad. We were very close when we're kids, then kind of distant during teen, now catching back up again, I'm so weird huh?
First day of Chinese New Year, I stayed at home for the entire day going nowhere and not meeting anyone, for the very first time.
Second day is an extremely happy one though. A reunion on the other side of my family, and more happening than way before. Since 10 years ago, most of the kids went study abroad and they hardly had the chance to come back. This time, all the kids are around, with some new ones calling me uncle (finally.. ), and then a cousin of mine getting married! I can't remember the last time I saw him, he did mentioned he went abroad about 10 years already. I had a nice dinner with them, most of them started working while I switched back to my study life again (I'm still not used to it, haha), sharing our working experience complaining how sucks some people are, haha.. Yes, I'm having bad luck this year also, I lost more than RM100 in just a game of 5 rounds, gambling still a no good for me.
Such a weird year to begin with, bidding goodbye for a departure of a family member, and welcoming of a new family member.
Happy Weird Chinese New Year 2013.
Oh, not forgetting our Malaysia Prime Minister, you did a great job of lightening up my day.
To begin with, my uncle passed away some time last year, leaving a struggling message to us, the younger ones to always take care of the health. Do not drink much, do not smoke, and always sleep early. It wasn't easy for him since he had struggled for years to stay behind this world and finally move on, an absent in the family suddenly makes you feel life isn't the same anymore.
Last week, another uncle of mine passed away. This was rather surprising, as he looked fine all those while, he suddenly admitted into hospital, and passed away the next day. Everyone was unprepared. He was only 56, leaving behind the wife and 3 kids. Still, we had a reunion lunch on the new year eve. The atmosphere is rather unease, we were caught off guard. Who could know such tragic stuff would happen, when everyone is counting days for the arrival of Chinese New Year, only to be interrupted.
New year eve night, the relatives from my mother's side had a dinner at our home, it was happy. I get to talk with my cousins, and we played some funny game on the ipad. We were very close when we're kids, then kind of distant during teen, now catching back up again, I'm so weird huh?
First day of Chinese New Year, I stayed at home for the entire day going nowhere and not meeting anyone, for the very first time.
Second day is an extremely happy one though. A reunion on the other side of my family, and more happening than way before. Since 10 years ago, most of the kids went study abroad and they hardly had the chance to come back. This time, all the kids are around, with some new ones calling me uncle (finally.. ), and then a cousin of mine getting married! I can't remember the last time I saw him, he did mentioned he went abroad about 10 years already. I had a nice dinner with them, most of them started working while I switched back to my study life again (I'm still not used to it, haha), sharing our working experience complaining how sucks some people are, haha.. Yes, I'm having bad luck this year also, I lost more than RM100 in just a game of 5 rounds, gambling still a no good for me.
Such a weird year to begin with, bidding goodbye for a departure of a family member, and welcoming of a new family member.
Happy Weird Chinese New Year 2013.
Oh, not forgetting our Malaysia Prime Minister, you did a great job of lightening up my day.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Appreciation
In Washington , DC , at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, this man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After about 3 minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule.
About 4 minutes later:
The violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.
At 6 minutes:
A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.
At 10 minutes:
A 3-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent - without exception - forced their children to move on quickly.
At 45 minutes:
The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.
After 1 hour:
He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all.
No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold-out a
theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music.
This is a true story. Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities.
This experiment raised several questions:
*In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive
beauty?
*If so, do we stop to appreciate it?
*Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?
One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made . .
How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?
Full article,
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/04/AR2007040401721.html
Monday, June 29, 2009
Almost get to see MJ, an almost accident..
this morning was driving on the highway sumwhere in Cheras area... it was Sunday early morning, the traffic has less car on the road..
As usual reckless-not-so-now driver like me would drive on the right most lane, I drove around 100km/h, hoping to reach my home as soon as possible..
then the following happened..
i drew this out with the paint.. its the highway, the blue square is my car, the red is the gila babi's car... and i decorated the road with more cars with pink ones ..
the green arrow is the traffic direction and the yellow arrow is mine and the gila babi's car moving direction..
I was driving at the right lane, and listening to some broadway-like music.. then I saw this car coming towards my direction, without hesitation I turned left, luckily there was not much car in the early morning, there was much spaces on the left lane.. It was an old square shaped car.. and what the hell, and how the hell did he got onto that lane ?!?!?
yea.. seriously I'm damn lucky to have avoided this accident, but I think, or bet, this is not going to happen for the entire highway, imagine how many cars are there going to be and this red car is not going or turning anywhere in the middle of highway.. any car who drives on the right lane, even if he's trying to be jackass driving 60km/h on it, if he crashes on it, the survival rate is seriously going to be nearly none at all..
probably I'll get to see some news on the paper tomorrow..
I would have died from this car crash and sees MJ.. really thank gohonzon for protecting me.. out of all traffic accidents happened on me, this would be likely the worst one ever, if it happens..
come to think of it, I'm seriously a lucky bastard as well as I've involved in so many traffic accidents, but I remained not injured at all.. but probably not good luck at all in terms of wealth, the money all burns away everytime.. =S
what is the time now ? 4am++ .. I got class at 8.30am later, and I actually just done one of my assignments, many more to go, gotta bring a few chicken essence back to my hostel later..
Friday, June 19, 2009
Taiwan trip
went for a trip to Taiwan recently.. get to know the orang asli there.. I saw a girl is pretty cute so I decide to took a pic with her.. but the 2 leng zai beside is too friendly so they decided to took the pic with me as well.. so zhor deng..
Chilling Waterfall trekking
this.. is in fact the most ridiculous trekking I've ever done so far I guess..
we start with a macho-looking style..
it makes our journey much more tiring, dangerous, risky and so on.. yet I was thinking, WTF wrong is this supposed to be a tourism spot ??
we're just a step away falling down from cliff behind us, so this pic was taken under great risk..
see ??
but we are not kiasi at all...
afterwards, only we learnt that we went off course, it was a shortcut instead, taking us further down than the designated path.. we went above the waterfall.. instead of crossing the rivers 5 times in the middle of journey, we were always wondering, not a single we've crossed, but straight away reached the end of the journey..
another heaven..
is the fella beside me.. doing his business ?
i scared the pipe above us mite have sumtg comes out anytime..
the toblerone ads..
the survivors..
im so freaking tired at the end of the day..
only selected a few pics from the album to post it here..
Friday, June 12, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
New "Life"
Last week was the first week of the semester, the first day, I felt so refresh.. I met new students, I meet back the college mates.. Everything felt so new, hoho..
However, this feeling didn't lasted for long, it soon dropped to hell.. I've got 5 - 6 assignments in a week, and that's not fun at all.. Until last Thursday, I went to visit my teacher who gave birth a new daughter last month.. I went there with several semester juniors, and bought lots of fruits which is useless because she can't eat them after giving birth to a baby..
When I saw the little girl, all the stress are gone, haha, what a cute baby.. The mother said that the baby is quite fierce, like to cry.. Then at the beginning she always cry non-stop, because not used to the "new environment".. the mother have to wrap her up into like.. er.. dunno how to describe that, haha..
during our visit, the baby did make some crying noise from time to time, maybe due to our crowded presence..
Took several pics of the baby from my teacher's blog and here I post them..
the baby sleeping
dunno what is she dreaming..
showing a wink, wow, hahaha...
she cries..
emo.. showing her furiousity..
ok.. fine.. wrap her up.. that'll do..
ahh.. fall asleep again..
actually not.. try to curi tengok, but kena tangkap..
During that visit, I just sit there kayu-kayu, didn't get to talk much with the teacher and her husband.. We didn't hang around too long, after that went for dinner nearby and went home..
However, this feeling didn't lasted for long, it soon dropped to hell.. I've got 5 - 6 assignments in a week, and that's not fun at all.. Until last Thursday, I went to visit my teacher who gave birth a new daughter last month.. I went there with several semester juniors, and bought lots of fruits which is useless because she can't eat them after giving birth to a baby..
When I saw the little girl, all the stress are gone, haha, what a cute baby.. The mother said that the baby is quite fierce, like to cry.. Then at the beginning she always cry non-stop, because not used to the "new environment".. the mother have to wrap her up into like.. er.. dunno how to describe that, haha..
during our visit, the baby did make some crying noise from time to time, maybe due to our crowded presence..
Took several pics of the baby from my teacher's blog and here I post them..
the baby sleeping
dunno what is she dreaming..
showing a wink, wow, hahaha...
she cries..
emo.. showing her furiousity..
ok.. fine.. wrap her up.. that'll do..
ahh.. fall asleep again..
actually not.. try to curi tengok, but kena tangkap..
During that visit, I just sit there kayu-kayu, didn't get to talk much with the teacher and her husband.. We didn't hang around too long, after that went for dinner nearby and went home..
Monday, December 22, 2008
My new home...
oh.. finally get to go back my own home after more than a week staying outside due to the LOTR concert performance.. do a little updates over here..
as most of my friends know that I moved out again, from Genting Kelang to Taman Melati, a few kilometres away from where I stayed previously..
I moved into the condo with the help of OJA, then we went for sum supper that nite , stayed in this PV3 condo, I took a few pictures of them..
the living hall
the balcony
the dining hall
the kitchen
the stove without gas
the toilet
the bathroom
my room overview
my table, now it has more books, the laptop is not mine.. my housemate leave it on my table after using it..
as most of my friends know that I moved out again, from Genting Kelang to Taman Melati, a few kilometres away from where I stayed previously..
I moved into the condo with the help of OJA, then we went for sum supper that nite , stayed in this PV3 condo, I took a few pictures of them..
the living hall
the balcony
the dining hall
the kitchen
the stove without gas
the toilet
the bathroom
my room overview
my table, now it has more books, the laptop is not mine.. my housemate leave it on my table after using it..
anyway.. staying with all the 4 girls in a house, not too bad afterall.. they do most of the house chores, hahahaha..
Saturday, November 15, 2008
what a week
After suffering some last minute laziness, now I can take a short break before my finals..
Been not sleeping good this few days.. Cuz rushing for assignments...
This week is sort of bored, other than assignments, busy work, busy attend rehearsals..
And I became the lousiest student ever in this sem..
I skipped quite a number of classes, and late for many classes..
I did alot last minute job..
I didn't practise hard for my piano and clarinet..
And I even lazy to sleep... haha..
Tuesday night, I didn't sleep whole day.. Cuz nid to finish up the presentation on the next day.. Luckily I prepared my presentation in a recorded video form, I don't need to spend any energy on presenting or talking, simply click the play button and let everyone watch the rest..
The next day, got a call from a friend crying in the phone.. telling me that life's too hard for her.. She have to work whole day long and attend night classes, then taking care of the family as well, almost got an accident on the road because almost fell asleep when she's driving.. Pity her, I didn't really know how to comfort her except telling her to cheer up and talk some lousy jokes..
Yea, life's really that cruel when money become dominating in this world.. Money is not everything, but without it, you're nothing, and you can't do anything.. can't even survive..
Through what I see in others, I think I'm really a rich dude as I've never worried that I'll die of hunger or not enough food to eat, instead, sometimes I waste my time dreaming of buying luxurious car, stlyish handphone, expensive shirts and visiting expensive places..
My parents are not Datos or successful business man to provide me luxurious life, but they're really great parents they taught me how to spend my money wisely.. I'm not driving big cars or using stylish handphone, but seriously, I really appreciate it, and if I'm really to compare it, my life is "damn luxurious" compare to the less affordable community..
Yes, never spend more than you earn, you'll never need to worried much about money.. if you want to live a luxurious life, please go ahead and find ways to make big money.. owning big house, several cars or whatever u name it doesn't means rich, you're only rich when you know how to spend wisely..
Yea, seeing those materialistic people in my life, I laugh.. how money has totally become their solely purpose to live and all they wanna do is those furnished themself with money, oh well, WHEN THEY DON'T HAVE THE MONEY TO DO SO.. Apparently, they make alot money, but they don't save any money, that's all..
OK gotta cut the personal crap here, let's go back to my life..
Thursday night, I went to work on afternoon and practise in the night, I went home late, its already 11 something when I reached home..
haha, now only I start to do my counterpoint harmony, augmentation and diminution.. Its due by the next morning and I gotta rush this assginment that was given 3 weeks ago I guess.. I know it's never easy but I take it easy, muahaha, well, as a punishment, I spent whole night till morning juz to compose a 16 bars augmentation & 10 bars diminution.. well, I took that long, becuz I'm a lousy musician, wahahah.. no talent at all..
However I guess I'm really lucky that a friend kept on sms me until 4am in the night, otherwise I'm damn boring thinking of tau gehs for like about, 6 or 7 hours, crap.. and you can finish playing my composition in less than 1 minute..
the rest is, I went choir rehearsal at night, and then Saturday noon just now rehearsed at KLCC MPO, now came back..
what a lousy week..
Been not sleeping good this few days.. Cuz rushing for assignments...
This week is sort of bored, other than assignments, busy work, busy attend rehearsals..
And I became the lousiest student ever in this sem..
I skipped quite a number of classes, and late for many classes..
I did alot last minute job..
I didn't practise hard for my piano and clarinet..
And I even lazy to sleep... haha..
Tuesday night, I didn't sleep whole day.. Cuz nid to finish up the presentation on the next day.. Luckily I prepared my presentation in a recorded video form, I don't need to spend any energy on presenting or talking, simply click the play button and let everyone watch the rest..
The next day, got a call from a friend crying in the phone.. telling me that life's too hard for her.. She have to work whole day long and attend night classes, then taking care of the family as well, almost got an accident on the road because almost fell asleep when she's driving.. Pity her, I didn't really know how to comfort her except telling her to cheer up and talk some lousy jokes..
Yea, life's really that cruel when money become dominating in this world.. Money is not everything, but without it, you're nothing, and you can't do anything.. can't even survive..
Through what I see in others, I think I'm really a rich dude as I've never worried that I'll die of hunger or not enough food to eat, instead, sometimes I waste my time dreaming of buying luxurious car, stlyish handphone, expensive shirts and visiting expensive places..
My parents are not Datos or successful business man to provide me luxurious life, but they're really great parents they taught me how to spend my money wisely.. I'm not driving big cars or using stylish handphone, but seriously, I really appreciate it, and if I'm really to compare it, my life is "damn luxurious" compare to the less affordable community..
Yes, never spend more than you earn, you'll never need to worried much about money.. if you want to live a luxurious life, please go ahead and find ways to make big money.. owning big house, several cars or whatever u name it doesn't means rich, you're only rich when you know how to spend wisely..
Yea, seeing those materialistic people in my life, I laugh.. how money has totally become their solely purpose to live and all they wanna do is those furnished themself with money, oh well, WHEN THEY DON'T HAVE THE MONEY TO DO SO.. Apparently, they make alot money, but they don't save any money, that's all..
OK gotta cut the personal crap here, let's go back to my life..
Thursday night, I went to work on afternoon and practise in the night, I went home late, its already 11 something when I reached home..
haha, now only I start to do my counterpoint harmony, augmentation and diminution.. Its due by the next morning and I gotta rush this assginment that was given 3 weeks ago I guess.. I know it's never easy but I take it easy, muahaha, well, as a punishment, I spent whole night till morning juz to compose a 16 bars augmentation & 10 bars diminution.. well, I took that long, becuz I'm a lousy musician, wahahah.. no talent at all..
However I guess I'm really lucky that a friend kept on sms me until 4am in the night, otherwise I'm damn boring thinking of tau gehs for like about, 6 or 7 hours, crap.. and you can finish playing my composition in less than 1 minute..
the rest is, I went choir rehearsal at night, and then Saturday noon just now rehearsed at KLCC MPO, now came back..
what a lousy week..
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Since I got not really updates, just let u see a little of the condo i stays in .. that's my bedroom and my toilet, that's all, hahahaha..
Anyway, mid term exam coming soon, Kohs mini trip coming as well, I want to go trip !! I want to go trip !! But so many stuff clashes, and kinda hectic as well..
11th Sept - Italian Diction exam
12th - 14th - Trip to Penang
13th Sept - LOTR choir phototaking session
15th Sept - Music business mid term
uh, so my phototaking session is done for it, I couldn't attend it, haha but who cares, just my face not in the concert program oni.. but my trip to Penang is yet pending..
So, yesterday nite, went to yum cha, met up with Andy's girlfren.. China girl oo.. zhong guo mei.. Yes, I'm sort of happy cuz I like China pretty much, especially their history and scenery, their wisdom and source of inspiration, their culture, the places and many more.. over the long course 3000 years, got damn lots of interesting stuff to know about.. I asked several questions that I'm quite curious in it.. It seems she knows alot about her home country, I get to know more about China cultures and society..
ok, I think that's all for today..Monday, June 30, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Get Smart
computer broke down for few days due to lightning strike.. =( changed a new motherboard but my pc works slower than the last time although it has higher RAM sum more is DDR RAM compare to last time SDRAM..
Edward just came back from Aust not long ago.. but he only stays till end of july, couldn't stay till his birthday in the August =(
We went to watch the movie "Get Smart" this evening, I can't say its a great movie, but its definitely lame and freaking funny, I couldn't stop laughing through out the show, those jokes are too lame.. XD Unfortunately, only YungYee and JhingSun shares the joy, the others couldn't make it for whatever reasons, I'm looking for our trip in the September, I hope it doesn't clash with my classes =)
My finals is going on, but I guess I couldn't get overall distinction for this semester, damn tough subjects for this semester... =S My semester ends at 14th July, please book me now for holidays !!!!! I'm desperate to go out freak out myself and relax for the first week of holidays..
Btw, I just found out my friend mom's name is "Sharin Gan" .. that's freaking coool !! An Uchiha ?
Edward just came back from Aust not long ago.. but he only stays till end of july, couldn't stay till his birthday in the August =(
We went to watch the movie "Get Smart" this evening, I can't say its a great movie, but its definitely lame and freaking funny, I couldn't stop laughing through out the show, those jokes are too lame.. XD Unfortunately, only YungYee and JhingSun shares the joy, the others couldn't make it for whatever reasons, I'm looking for our trip in the September, I hope it doesn't clash with my classes =)
My finals is going on, but I guess I couldn't get overall distinction for this semester, damn tough subjects for this semester... =S My semester ends at 14th July, please book me now for holidays !!!!! I'm desperate to go out freak out myself and relax for the first week of holidays..
Btw, I just found out my friend mom's name is "Sharin Gan" .. that's freaking coool !! An Uchiha ?
Friday, June 13, 2008
Genting Kelang love story
this story happens few nights ago, at a condominium in Genting Kelang.. A dude, believed to be from TARC, found a creative way to express his love for a girl, but I don't know if that's his girl friend or not.. He placed candles on the 3rd floor pool (this pic was taken from 17th floor), arranged them into a love shape and lights them.. And then he message the girl asking her to come out to meet him, and he waits there.. all the people from the condo walks out to their balcony being busy body.. Some cheer at the guy some jeer at the guy, half of them expecting the girl to show and half of the expecting the girl to leave the guy alone.. After quite long, finally the girl shows up, the whole 3 block condominium resident cheers for them.. Well, the girl was quite fat, according to our witnesses.. Story goes on, both of them hugs and then together they lights on some several candles that blown out by the wind, then the guy walks to the side, took a bouquet of flower and give it to the girl.. The scene ends as the "mm sek do"(means not smart AT ALL) guard came and shoo them away..
A romantic love story ... what do you think ?
If you ask me, I'll just say "no comment" XD
Monday, May 26, 2008
Learn to relax
My health is deteriorating recently.. Major cause was the stress I get in my life, I'm too tensed up with what I have to keep myself up to..
I'm experiencing some sharp pain in the chest recently, it always comes a little and gone in the next day, until the last 2 weeks the pain had grown till I couldn't take a deep breath and last week it strikes me again.. It occurs on the left side of my side but sometimes on the right side on my chest..
Then, I hardly ever sleep well.. I often goes to bed at 12am but wakes up about 5.30am or 6am, gone to bed by 12, but I only fallen asleep after 2 or 3 hours, making my sleeping less, or either I get dreaming alot making my sleeping not complete. Sometimes I do take some 1 hour nap in the school, but it never help much..
Part of the reason I couldn't sleep well maybe because I'm too lazy to use my brain during day time ended up my brain is so active in the night, I couldn't stop thinking all the time and it keeps me awake although I'm very tired physically.. Just can't stop spinning, is there any solutions for this cannot-be-seen matters ? (you might suggest meditation..)
Getting more white hairs ? Yea, ever since I'm primary.. (=.='')
Thinking of girl ? Yeah definitely, hahaha..
Stress on studies ? Yeah, too focused for good results.. why ? Because I'm miles behind others..
Spent too much time in driving, thanks to traffic jam.
Doc Shamsher ask me go relax myself.. Ok.. I'll try my best, thank you. =)
I'm experiencing some sharp pain in the chest recently, it always comes a little and gone in the next day, until the last 2 weeks the pain had grown till I couldn't take a deep breath and last week it strikes me again.. It occurs on the left side of my side but sometimes on the right side on my chest..
Then, I hardly ever sleep well.. I often goes to bed at 12am but wakes up about 5.30am or 6am, gone to bed by 12, but I only fallen asleep after 2 or 3 hours, making my sleeping less, or either I get dreaming alot making my sleeping not complete. Sometimes I do take some 1 hour nap in the school, but it never help much..
Part of the reason I couldn't sleep well maybe because I'm too lazy to use my brain during day time ended up my brain is so active in the night, I couldn't stop thinking all the time and it keeps me awake although I'm very tired physically.. Just can't stop spinning, is there any solutions for this cannot-be-seen matters ? (you might suggest meditation..)
Getting more white hairs ? Yea, ever since I'm primary.. (=.='')
Thinking of girl ? Yeah definitely, hahaha..
Stress on studies ? Yeah, too focused for good results.. why ? Because I'm miles behind others..
Spent too much time in driving, thanks to traffic jam.
Doc Shamsher ask me go relax myself.. Ok.. I'll try my best, thank you. =)
Friday, May 09, 2008
mid term exam
yesterday I had romantic music history exam.. woaaa.. quite easy actually.. I guess I got another A or at least A- in my hand, bwuahaahahah.. (I probably will get C for being too look up upon myself as punishment..)
Then I went home, too tired, sleep until 2.30am, woke up and start to do my harmony, my deadliest weakness, I spent hours just to do some a single line chords harmonization.. Crap.. and I got a harmony class at 9.30am later.. In the middle of struggling to complete it, I was annoyed by the keep-on beeping handphone (alot of hotlink promotion messages.. ) but turn into tears of salvation when Vice-classrep notify that the theory class today is canceled.. cool.. I can concentrate on my later-Ethnomusicology exam, another disastrous exam..
That's the bad thing living in the multi-racial country, study 3x stuff in the local culture, learning all sorts of alien music culture (although I'm living in that particular country itself).. I got trouble digesting all of them into my mind, unlike I can do to Western musics, quite an easy task to do.. Resulted, today's paper I done kinda not so good, probably I'll get a B this time.. No wonder most of my seniors failed in their previous semester in their attempt in this paper..
Reading till here, are u bored ? OK, a little lame joke here.. My Vice-ClassRep forgot to zip her pants in front of 3 guyz to including me.. Thanks to Amir, his sharp eyes caught the spot and his smart brain to tell her in front of everyone, luckily the everyone only 3 person.. The reason she forgot, because she was trying to recall what she studied for the ethnomusic exam later, this is another disastrous effect caused by it, I better watched out/down next time..
After that is waiting for Ms Yuan class at 6.30pm, crappp.. it's a replacement class, she's too busy, unable to teach me for the past 2 weeks, today finally's she's free, but in the end we turn up no lesson, bcuz we actually chat there rather than having lesson.. she passed me a few papers she photostate from a book she newly bought, its about wisdom in the life, and chat with me with several topics, oh, a very friendly teacher, I kinda like it.. But at the same time, not so, cuz becuz of this, she normally delays the whole teaching schedule..
then rushed to GCO practise again, K.Hong nearly died in my car, I drove recklessly again out of rush hour. Tonight we combined with the choirs, Hibiscus choir outnumbered Renaissance choir members, erm, GCO as well =P .. So shame, uncles n aunties triumph over the youths.. we practised "Keindahan taman" and a chinese song "Yuan Fang de Ke Ren Liu Xia Lai" (Far far away guest stay back) .. we actually only got this score right before the combine section, luckily its not so hard and made sight-reading much easier =P
tomorrow have lesson with Mr.Matthew, ahhhh !! Need to do alot last minute homework..
Then I went home, too tired, sleep until 2.30am, woke up and start to do my harmony, my deadliest weakness, I spent hours just to do some a single line chords harmonization.. Crap.. and I got a harmony class at 9.30am later.. In the middle of struggling to complete it, I was annoyed by the keep-on beeping handphone (alot of hotlink promotion messages.. ) but turn into tears of salvation when Vice-classrep notify that the theory class today is canceled.. cool.. I can concentrate on my later-Ethnomusicology exam, another disastrous exam..
That's the bad thing living in the multi-racial country, study 3x stuff in the local culture, learning all sorts of alien music culture (although I'm living in that particular country itself).. I got trouble digesting all of them into my mind, unlike I can do to Western musics, quite an easy task to do.. Resulted, today's paper I done kinda not so good, probably I'll get a B this time.. No wonder most of my seniors failed in their previous semester in their attempt in this paper..
Reading till here, are u bored ? OK, a little lame joke here.. My Vice-ClassRep forgot to zip her pants in front of 3 guyz to including me.. Thanks to Amir, his sharp eyes caught the spot and his smart brain to tell her in front of everyone, luckily the everyone only 3 person.. The reason she forgot, because she was trying to recall what she studied for the ethnomusic exam later, this is another disastrous effect caused by it, I better watched out/down next time..
After that is waiting for Ms Yuan class at 6.30pm, crappp.. it's a replacement class, she's too busy, unable to teach me for the past 2 weeks, today finally's she's free, but in the end we turn up no lesson, bcuz we actually chat there rather than having lesson.. she passed me a few papers she photostate from a book she newly bought, its about wisdom in the life, and chat with me with several topics, oh, a very friendly teacher, I kinda like it.. But at the same time, not so, cuz becuz of this, she normally delays the whole teaching schedule..
then rushed to GCO practise again, K.Hong nearly died in my car, I drove recklessly again out of rush hour. Tonight we combined with the choirs, Hibiscus choir outnumbered Renaissance choir members, erm, GCO as well =P .. So shame, uncles n aunties triumph over the youths.. we practised "Keindahan taman" and a chinese song "Yuan Fang de Ke Ren Liu Xia Lai" (Far far away guest stay back) .. we actually only got this score right before the combine section, luckily its not so hard and made sight-reading much easier =P
tomorrow have lesson with Mr.Matthew, ahhhh !! Need to do alot last minute homework..
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