And it's getting higher

Long time no see

Thank you very very much for the dinner and biscuit!!!

Had a great and fun night catching up with you!

Take care and safe journey when you go back.. missing you so much!!! =D

Restart and move on

Enough grumbling like a kid, its time to continue this journey!!

失去了目标，会剩下什么?

生命的变质

还记得小时候，当我听到音乐的时候，我都会欣喜雀跃，随着音乐哼起歌来。

印象深刻的是小时候的电子游戏机里，有一些会用到古典乐来配乐。有一首曲子在脑海里挥之不去，也不知道是什么，只是觉得很好听，直到大了，跟古典音乐接触多了，才偶然发现，原来是柴可夫斯基的第一钢琴协奏曲。

尤其是管弦乐，由几十种不同乐器组合的音色，充满了喜怒哀乐的表达，一张专辑可以一遍又一遍的听，每次都听得很入神。凡是管弦乐的，都会上网下载来听，乐以忘忧。

从此，上网听音乐几乎是每一天的事了，没有金钱能力的当时，一直努力地翻遍网络企图下载免费的曲谱。

不知道什么时候开始，直到最近在检讨着我对音乐的追求，发现我听音乐，无论是什么音乐，但已经没有那种感觉了，好象，我们互不相识，也无法更深一层认识。

现在纵有了不少的谱，但好像从没翻阅它们，只是充当书架的装饰罢了。


听音乐，好像只是掩盖听觉的无聊，好让时间更快过。


通过这点，我能不能下定论，我生命里的音乐是不是变了呢？音乐已经不再是我真正要追求的东西？

这条船，应该驶向哪儿？

how true

aimless, helpless..

few nights have passed..

the only time i start falling asleep is 7am, after whole night of torturing in the mind..

that makes me late for work for these few days, gonna start sweet talking before i get fired..

im not playing music anymore.. im just producing sounds of notes..

there's no motivation to advance myself..

because i have no goals?

it can't be any more despair, realizing you do not have goals or dreams anymore..

only wandering in your own realm of suffering..

it's just the same as dead..

starting to feel a little pain in the chest, perhaps too little rest..

hair starts falling too, noticed that the bathroom drainage getting more hair..

under my eye reflecting dark color through the skin..

can't even get myself to speak clearly with customers, only mumbling, or day dream in the mid of conversation..

feels annoyed with person who talks to me, just have to talk casually as if nothing ever happened..

im losing my appetite.. skipping breakfast and dinner, only have lunch for the whole day..

instead start taking a lot of sweet stuff and coffee to keep myself awake during the day..

curiously & seriously, what would smoking + drinking till drunk would feels like?