Sunday, July 22, 2018

我還能撐多久?

近日晴雨交錯,一會兒下雨一會兒晴天猶如我近期的心情。

從很喜歡豎笛很喜歡音樂,可到現在已經不知道自己在幹什麼了。

當下還是努力抽空出來練習,想要進步,但熱情逐日被澆熄中。

生活也很不如意,想完成的目標也一次又一次地被打退堂鼓,只憑意志力撐下去。

一天起來充滿希望及動力,第二天起來充滿絕望及被動。

如此反反复复,負面的情緒也逐漸佔更多的比例。

身邊的朋友也越來越少,心靈的寄託也越來越少,我感到孤單無助。

這道路,我還要走多久,而我還能走多久呢?

我走得下去嗎?我現下覺得,與其活著,不如長眠。

繼續觀心

Sunday, April 01, 2018

獨自生活海外,努力專心於當下。

六年了,回首時,景物依舊但人事已非。

六年了,才驚覺,原來我從未放下。

如此五味雜陳的感嘆與醒悟。

內心的忐忑與身外的春景成對比,彷彿冬天未離去。

我放不下。

Tuesday, January 16, 2018

Postcard from Suomi

Received a greeting in this winter holiday, thank youuuu very much !!


Stay warm!

Saturday, December 23, 2017

Winter Solstice & USR at Kanjiao Elementary School 崁腳國小

Yesterday was occupied whole day. And it was a sunny day for a winter solstice 冬至,we cina of course would celebrate it, with eating Tang Yuan (rice dumpling?)

Sunny and hot ~

The International Exchange Center (IEC) was sweet enough to organize a lunch gathering for the Foreign Students, they also organized a Tang Yuan making activity for us. It was the first time for me making this stuff, I've been buying those ready-made from stores. Making it was kinda fun, but I lost interest after making two, probably not in the mood. 



Those from fine art department could really make some pretty Tang Yuan.
They're probably from the ceramic art society.

Two handmade + One stolen + Red bean soup

Really sibeh nice weather

Then at night, I went to Kanjiao Elementary School (Near Keelung) along with my IMCCI classmates for the University Social Responsibility (USR) thingy. We were suppose to play a few christmas tunes for the kids, for their end year or christmas celebration event I think. 

It was a long journey, about 1 and half hour drive from TNUA.


The organisers are generous enough to offer us a big bento and soup

Some kids playing violin

Some kids dancing

Some kid ready for to play his clarinet

Ok I guess that's all for now. I know this post is written in a shitty and lazy, have been very inactive in writing blog, picking it up as regular ain't easy.

I'll make an effort to keep writing more entries!

Happy Winter Solstice. 冬至快樂~

Thursday, October 19, 2017

MAGDALENA ZIEBA - How To Start A Business in Taiwan

taken from http://bailalotaipei.com/

Today, Prof. Chang Yi-Wen invited a guest, Magdalena Zieba (Maggie for convenience) to give the Cultural Organisation Management class a talk, about how to start a business in Taiwan.

Two of them made acquaintance when Prof. Chang was doing her PhD in US, she was doing interviews with Salsa dancers, and Maggie was one of her respected person. 

Maggie was a native of Polish, moved to Canada in her early years, and work as flight attendant before settling down in Taiwan.

Like the rest of foreigners, she came as a student studying Chinese, alongside with her husband, a music performer. She is fluent in several language including Polish, English, Portugese and French, with her learning experience in language, she thought it wouldn't be too hard? 10 years has gone by, best she could do was speaking Chinese in understandable manner, but can't write still. I grew up speaking and writing Chinese, I have no idea how hard can it be for foreigner XD

Maggie is a strong independent lady. As a student, she has took up a lot of part time jobs, teaching English, Dance and some other minor stuffs. But these experiences helped her setting up her own Dance studio, thanks to all the students she teach all over the years. 

To start with, she spent 6 months looking for a suitable venue for her studio, coming across with hundreds venues, but couldn't get a good one. Luck came some time later, through the social network she built over the years, someone offered a good place with reasonable price for her studio. She had to deal with a lot of paper works, travelling back forth bureaucracy, making sure the venue meets the safety requirements and so on. 

After setting up the studio, you will meet a lot of trouble like hitting the required revenue, local competition (some people would report you over the agency), maintaining the studio, doing marketing and promotions. Maggie again did a wonderful job of handling these issues, and she also have help from her generous student. 

She has passion in running her business, she treats her students/customers with respect, to the extend of went out and took lessons she is not familiar with, just so that she can put herself in a situation where her students might face difficulties in learning as a beginner. In a city where people are so stress dedicating most of their time in work, this is a place for them to reduce stress. 

Overall, she's a very positive person, set out to do the things that against all odds, she also earn the trust and love from her associates and friends. I could tell that, despite of staying for so long in this country, she didn't influenced much by the local mentality, she stood firm of her own. This is quite a feat to achieve by a foreigner who wants to settle down in Taiwan, she is respectable and I definitely will want to set her ways and discipline as an example. I'm lucky to meet this person. 

For a person who is so down with my life recently, this encounter is an inspiring one. Thank you. 


Thursday, September 21, 2017

I don't know what to do anymore

I've turned 30 this year, I still don't know what I want in my life.

This made me feels very depressed, worried, anxious and

These few days, I've been thinking over this matter, it distracts me from doing anything with focus, whether be it reading, or engaged in my hobby, playing the clarinet.

It feels so sucks. Over the time, I feels like getting more depressed and anxious. My sleeping pattern is disrupted, I sometimes sleep over more than 12 hours, getting more insomnia, or restless brain sleeps. I'm getting the insomnia and restless brain part recently.

I thought, part of these problems probably because I'm financially insecure as well, I couldn't kept myself from thinking about money all the time. I'm even eating around 100twd a day or less, calculating the expense regularly. FYI, a standard meal cost around 80twd, 50 for really economic.

I study and plays the clarinet. It is my hobby, but I don't really know if its what I want to do with the rest of my life. More over, I'm not playing at a competent level, I'm actually somewhere between amateur and professional, and that's sucks. I've experienced few kinds of emotions playing the clarinet includes excited, happy, boring, discouraged and miserable. I'm getting more discouraged because I realize my playing is moving backward more than I improve.

Now, I don't feel anything at all.

I don't feel I want to practice.

I don't feel bad from not practice.

I don't feel the urge to play.

I don't feel the desire to improve.

I don't hold any expectations from life.

I don't have any curiosity in learning.

I cannot sit down quietly and read in peace.

I don't even feels like listening to music, something that I enjoyed very much, be it pop or classical.

It is because I don't truly love music or clarinet after all?

I just know, somehow I don't want to give it up totally.

I am not able to put it down after I spent so many efforts and time on it. 無法放下..

I am currently enrolled in the Cultural and Creative Industries master studies, overall it's like mixture of art management and cultural research studies. I've worked as admin at music examination company in the past, feeling it was kind of interesting to work in similar field, so I took up this course. At the moment, I felt uncomfortable maybe because of different environment and social circle. However, I felt discouraged as well, because I don't find myself enjoying the content of the studies, and I have to think of thesis abstract by the end of semester, which I'm still totally clueless at this stage. I feels like I don't cut out to be in this field.

Would it be better if I just settle down with a job first? I don't know. I don't see a clear vision of myself standing anywhere in future or even tomorrow.

A friend says that finding what you want may be a lifelong process.

Perhaps I'm too rush, too eager to see the results.

Perhaps I'm worrying too much, or too greedy. There are so many out there who are more unfortunate than I do, why couldn't I just be content with what I have?

I'm living like a zombie now, still walking around, attend class, eating meals, doing chores, alive but with a restless foggy mind (brain dead).

I don't know what to do next, and anymore at this point.

If I can't find the reason to exist, maybe I shouldn't be existing at all.


Sunday, July 02, 2017

RIP Choo Han Peng

Slept rather late today, waking up at near noon.

I picked up my phone beside my pillow, as usual, checking if anyone contacted me and browse the Facebook for a while.

A post/news immediately struck me and jump off the bed trying to get more details.

Two friends of mine, on their way to airport sending another to Asian Youth Orchestra world tour trip, involved in a car accident which cost a life of one.

The other guy is in stable condition now, to both of them, it was both fortunate and unfortunate.

I can't handle this at the moment, my recent dilemma now seems a tiny compare to this tragic event.

I worked with both of them. Two good friends, we were quite close back then, when I was in Malaysia (currently in Taiwan pursuing studies), we played music together, talked together, and hanged out together.

Now the working experience become a memory, only to be reminiscent from now onward.

May you rest in peace, my prayers shall be with you always.

Thank you for being with us in our journey in music.