aimless, helpless..

few nights have passed..

the only time i start falling asleep is 7am, after whole night of torturing in the mind..

that makes me late for work for these few days, gonna start sweet talking before i get fired..

im not playing music anymore.. im just producing sounds of notes..

there's no motivation to advance myself..

because i have no goals?

it can't be any more despair, realizing you do not have goals or dreams anymore..

only wandering in your own realm of suffering..

it's just the same as dead..

starting to feel a little pain in the chest, perhaps too little rest..

hair starts falling too, noticed that the bathroom drainage getting more hair..

under my eye reflecting dark color through the skin..

can't even get myself to speak clearly with customers, only mumbling, or day dream in the mid of conversation..

feels annoyed with person who talks to me, just have to talk casually as if nothing ever happened..

im losing my appetite.. skipping breakfast and dinner, only have lunch for the whole day..

instead start taking a lot of sweet stuff and coffee to keep myself awake during the day..

curiously & seriously, what would smoking + drinking till drunk would feels like?